The Nami and Usopp's Matchmaking Show
by Seis Fleur
Summary: Out of pure fun, Nami and Usopp tried to set up Zoro and Robin together. They succeeded, but soon Nami and Usopp realized that the set-up relationship is a big big mistake. Or is it?


**Title: The Nami and Usopp's Matchmaking Show  
****Theme: #25 – Trouble Lurking  
****Pairings: Zoro/Robin?  
****Setting: After the timeskip.**

**Just a 'filler' to keep me active as an author. Truth is I gots no idea – yes, Tommy Pickle style. Here's a short one for Zoro/Robin lovers. Thank you for the reads and reviews, I love you like I love fried chicken. This one is something I write just for fun.**

* * *

_Step one, identify possible pairing._

The conversation regarding everyone's new appearance after two years being apart become a matchmaking activity for Nami and Usopp. Being bored on deck, just observing bits of interaction between the crews of the Straw Hat Pirates became an entertainment. After three days being bathed in golden rays of the summer sky, the ginger navigator and the tanned sharpshooter saw the yellow, long line of energy zapping between Roronoa Zoro's and Nico Robin's eyes. Either that or they're hallucinating, or being high, but that was impossible because Nami don't much on regular days and Usopp doesn't fancy alcohol. But Nico Robin seemed to have the most fun when he had engaged in a half-day chess battle with Roronoa Zoro – which Zoro's surprisingly jumped on the deck out of happiness of winning a game after losing six prior to his one point score – more than any other things she did with the others. Chopper is an exception. He's a kid reindeer.

"So, it's decided. Zoro and Robin."

* * *

_Step two, force interactions between subject._

Nami had to play a little flirt game with Sanji so that she could leave the post-meal dishwashing duty to both the archaeologist and the muscular swordsman. Nami's advantage on the Thousand Sunny – and in the crew itself – was her automatic authority to assign duties to her fellow crewmates. While Nami announced that Zoro and Robin are assigned for night guard duty for one night and the night after the next, Usopp had been a great actor. All for prompting interactions between them both.

* * *

_Step three, stalk._

Nami didn't expect it to be that fast, despite now that Zoro and Robin are often spending time together both openly and in secret too, as Usopp claimed. Last Sunday, Zoro had shown Robin how to clean katanas, and Robin had been reading intense mystery books to Zoro while he closes his eyes and pretend to drift to dreamland. Nami and Usopp pride on their job, although they were pretty much confused whether it's just nakamaship and good friendship, or some sparking romance in the making. Nami still had left them both for dishwashing duty until one day, she heard the sound of a breaking dish. She was as curious, but Sanji has to be kept out of the kitchen.

* * *

_Step four, the big kiss._

Usopp looked all over the Thousand Sunny for Nami, with intentions the rest of the crewmates didn't know. To Nami's surprise, their matchmaking effort hit success, impressively, like a second base for a nerd Marine. Usopp spotted the pair kissing in the Crow's Nest – yes, he stalks for update, and he is rather good at it. Nami was thrilled herself. Usopp saw another lip locking sneak between Robin and Zoro the next night, after dishwashing. Usopp and Nami stayed up late for a little celebration, and they stole a carton of Cola from the kitchen for that.

* * *

_Step five, the confrontation._

The fun didn't end there. Usopp and Nami decided to have a little chat with Zoro while Robin wasn't around, just to test if he would blurt it out. Zoro eventually confessed, saying that Robin is a wonderful and interesting piece of art in human life form, and that he feels for her like how he feels for his three katanas. Usopp and Nami have never seen Zoro smiled in such a way because of a woman, and this is their first time witnessing an event that they both agreed it should be another Grand Line legend – The Pirate Hunter and The Devil's Child, both infamous in the great wide blue sea, are apparently in love. Usopp thought they could be so legendary that their children would be raven haired with green streaks who would slip flowers in between the pages of books they read and plays with stick swords in the evening.

* * *

_Step six, the downturn._

They encountered a pirate ship by the name of Sunnies Pirates under 78 million bellies bounty Captain Margan, a few days following. As in Punk Hazard and Fishman Island, Nami's weather bubbles and Usopp'ss new monstrous plants seeds had managed to keep them victorious. But in between the battles, there were something else. They have seen the scene replayed before – Zoro saving Robin at Skypiea, Zoro saving Robin from iced admiral Kuzan, Zoro saving Robin from that drunk octopus swordsman at Fishman Island – why is it recurring again? They thought it was sweet at first, knowing the hidden romantic relationship. But then they realized something's wrong. Robin wasn't defending herself as she always did, instead, she let Zoro sprung into action to protect her.

Zoro's victory left him a great deal of injury, while there isn't a scratch at Robin, not at all. Chopper told Usopp that Zoro needs more rests than any others to heal. When Zoro's bandages almost resembled a fresh new marimo mummy with a haramaki – which Usopp found a little hilarious – he realized that Robin wasn't doing any good to Zoro. Nami agreed that Robin seemed to rely too much on Zoro for her protection, it was, though hard to admit, as if Robin was using Zoro for her own good. Nami and Usopp fear that they had made a big mistake, setting up the pair.

* * *

_Step seven, realize the flaws and throw complimentary intervention._

Zoro slept for five days straight without any effort of escaping bed and resume training, which worried Usopp and Nami even more. When asked, Chopper said he lost a great amount of blood but thankfully not fatal nor brain-damaging. And yes, Robin did took care of him once in a while, but most of the time, she seemed to disturb his three swords a lot, writing things into her notebook. By day six, Zoro was able to join them for meals, but he hadn't resume back to his training just yet, claiming he is still too weak.

Knowing it's their fault all along, Nami and Usopp realized what they have to do. They prepared a good speech, and when they caught Zoro at the right time, while no one else is around, they told him that Robin seemed not to love him the way he feel for her.

* * *

_Step eight, the dramatic twist._

Nami and Usopp told Zoro what they thought of Robin. "She's not fit for you… Have you seen her at the battlefield… She's using you because you're strong… She's being with you to study your katana, maybe… She doesn't really care about you… She doesn't love you…" Every comment Usopp and Nami had made, Zoro replied with an angry "you're ridiculous" and what seemed to be a scary growl. The two crazy matchmaker still tried to convince him, and they almost succeeded, until…

…Robin walked in at their semi-rude comments about herself. She told them she heard everything, and that she was deeply hurt. She seemed angry that Zoro was almost convinced to leave her, and before she stormed out the room, she explained that she was studying his katanas to give him a surprise gift – a pillowcase with the exact embroided figure of the three katanas on it. Deeply frustrated, she disappeared, and they didn't see her the rest of the night.

"Thanks, guys." Zoro said sarcastically.

* * *

_Step nine, post-disaster apology._

Zoro refused to come for breakfast the next day, and Robin did not acknowledge Nami and Usopp's presence at all, as if they're bathed in invisible paint that wouldn't come off. Zoro and Robin didn't even talk to each other, Nami have sworn she saw Robin slapped Zoro once. Nami cancelled their dishes duty and rearranged the night guard duty schedule, in hope that she would have the chance to apologize to Zoro. She knew Usopp and her had screwed up the one relationship Zoro might come off well with, probably for the rest of his life. Guilt rose like gigantic glaciers, they feel the need to apologize to Zoro and have them make up.

Cold and still furious, Zoro listened to their apology, but he wasn't quite satisfied yet. "Robin is stubborn. I doubt you could fix us. You shouldn't meddle in, you insects. I will only forgive you if, and only if, you march around Thousand Sunny dancing with a big picket sign that says, I'M SORRY NICO ROBIN."

* * *

_Step ten, the confession._

Usopp and Nami left the rest of their friends puzzled by marching around the Sunny deck with an apology picket sign. And though they asked, Usopp and Nami refused to explain, because they're too embarrassed to. Nico Robin laughed, and placed down her book, getting up from her lazy chair. "This is too hilarious! You both can stop now."

Zoro joined Robin, a smile full of satisfaction painted on his face. "We should team up more often, Robin. This is kinda fun to watch."

Usopp and Nami were obviously confused, the two talked as if they had never fought in the first place. And that's where the demon and the devil explained their devious plans from the beginning.

"I overheard your matchmaking plans a couple of weeks ago and God knows I'n not going to go out with Kenshi-san-"

"Hey, you promised to call me with my real name!"

"-Zoro-"

"-and I'm not gonna have that relationship with Robin either-"

"-so I told Zoro of your plans and we decided to have a little fun."

"She forced me into it."

"You eventually like it, anyway."

"Yeah, it's good."

"So we pretended to go along with your plan, all the flirting – I'm surprised he's a good actor – and the big kiss is also a lie too. Are you blushing, Zoro?"

"No!"

"And to add a little twist, we made it seem that we're very wrong for each other and during the attack by Sunnies Pirates, we had decided that he should pretend to take on all the attacks on me."

"Do you seriously think I'm that weak, guys? Seriously?"

"And we bribed Chopper to tell you that he's in very bad shape. Which then will lead you to realizing that you've made Zoro this way, feeling guilty-"

"-and you guys come to apologize to me-"

"-and to sum it all up, we had you dancing around Sunny with a very nice picket sign-"

"-which is an interesting show."

"Actually, Zoro, we could ask for something more sinister."

"Save it for next time, Robin."

"But thanks to you both, Zoro and I have accidentally grown into good friends-"

"Nakama. You, me. Nakama."

"-so I'd like to thank you for that. But you do learn something out of this event, right?"

"Don't meddle into people's business. I don't care if it's wrong or right anyway, I just don't like people meddling into mine."

"I still can touch your katanas, though?"

"Only you."

_Ladies and gentlemen, The Nami and Usopp's Matchmaking Show, with your host, Nami and Usopp._


End file.
